Opinion: Pailing by comparison
Commentary by Dick Wolfsie
When I see publications at the hardware store promoting handyman projects, I wish I were more adept in my workshop (not that I have one).
I peruse the rack, knowing that the images on the cover are not something attainable by an average guy like me, something I also I realized about Playboy magazine by the time I was 11.
One feature caught my eye this week.
THE FIVE-GALLON BUCKET BOOK
On the cover is a bright red five-gallon bucket, with a yellow lid. To a DIYer, this is the equivalent of Miss August.
The intro claims: “The buckets are remarkably strong … adaptable and not easily bent out of shape … easy to work with, and they hold up under pressure.” Wow, I wish we could find someone like that to run for president! I’m not ready for a pail to be president, but these containers do have some impressive qualifications.
The book is filled with things you can do with a five-gallon bucket, after you un-fill it. Once you have smeared on five gallons of putty or eaten 20 pounds of sauerkraut, you have access to your project starter. The author, Chris Peterson, says the five-gallon bucket “is the greatest thing since the wheel or sliced bread.” Not sure about that wheel thing, but we all know the neat handyman projects you can do with bread.
The book begins with a list of everything you can make with a bucket. Then with either an impressive deal of self-restraint (or a total lack of creativity), the author calls this list his Table of Contents. It includes a shoe rack, an egg incubator, a cat litter box, a mousetrap, a trash compactor, a wine rack and an air conditioner, which is a five-gallon bucket of ice with a fan. You can’t make this stuff up. Wait, that’s exactly what he did.
This handyman-writer, who I assume is getting on in years, must be very busy creating lots of new do-it-yourself projects, a few final creations he’d like to complete before he kicks the bucket.